Tag Archives: oneword365

an update that’s not really one.

Lately I’ve been vaguebooking over on FB.  Not a lot (probably 3 status updates?) but substantially more than I’ve ever vaguebooked before.

There’s a good reason for this.  Massive changes are happening behind the scenes, and I don’t want to make anything public until I have a few more things confirmed – the “ducks in a row” that I’ve mentioned a few times.

To say more without really saying much (hey! perhaps I should go into politics!) I’ve been questioning the direction my life is/was taking, and came to the conclusion that I wasn’t particularly happy with what was going on.   And then an opportunity presented itself that essentially made me choose between continuing with life as it was going, or to make a drastic change.

For those who know me “in real life”, you are most probably aware of what is going on – I’ve told most people who are close to me.  I guess another reason I’m hesitant to post anything online is because it makes things even MORE real and that’s…..well, I’m just gonna hold off for those ducks to line up.  Well until their gathering resembles more of a line than what it does at the moment.

At the start of 2015, I wrote about how my #OneWord365 for 2015 (in addition to HOPE) was: BRAVE (do more things that scare you).

Let’s just say for now, I had NO IDEA how relevant my OneWord was going to be.

xxP

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#OneWord365 – 2015

With this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let you know
How much you’ve touched my life because
Here is where you’re finding me
In the exact same place as New Years Eve
And from the lack of my persistency
We’re less than half as close as I wanna be

(Relient K – I Celebrate the Day)

2015 has arrived – and with it, all of the resolutions that people make with the best of intentions.

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t do resolutions. But what I do do, is join with the community over at #OneWord365 and choose a word that I will then allow to “flavour” my year.

(and as with my 2015 #OneWord365 post, I’m typing this sitting in a cafe in my hometown…..“in the exact same place….”)

Last year, that word was HOPE.

This year?  I’m going to cheat (if that’s even a thing here!) and choose HOPE again.

Why?

2014 was a really hard year for me, personally and professionally.  While intentionally choosing to live focused on Hope, I ended up being treated for depression, anxiety, and stress.  This impacted on both my personal life and my professional life.  I came extremely close to losing my job.  Things that I had hoped that were going to happen in my personal life simply didn’t happen – and to be honest, they seem further away than ever.

But…

1) I truly believe that choosing to live with hope as my focus in 2014 was one of the major reasons I came out of 2014 as relatively unscathed as I did.
2) I am beginning to think that HOPE may become more than a #OneWord365″ word for me (I’m going to need a new word for 2016!)

So, my word for 2015 will again be HOPE – with an addendum: BE BRAVE (do more things that scare me).

Two of those things that scare me that I am planning on attacking early on in 2015: heading back to Uni, and starting to audition for those musicals that I keep getting told to audition for.

So here’s to a big, scary 2015 🙂

hope

an update…of sorts

Image

My last post ended with me saying that I was “choosing hope daily”.  Well, for the last few weeks, I have managed to consistently NOT chose hope.  I ended up in a melancholy funk that honestly, took me by surprise and I wasn’t quite sure what to do about it.

I’ve never been one to easily ask for help.  Growing up, I was taught that people only let you down, so it’s just easier to do things on your own.  I have spent many years trying to un-learn this lesson.  Yes, people will let you down.  But, if your friends are worth anything at all, they will also help you when you ask. So, I asked for help.

By way of a few text messages, I ended up catching up with one of my best friends.  It had been a while (by our standards) between catch-ups, so we were well overdue.  When we finally sat down, she looked at me and said “spill”.  Once I was done, it was her turn.  I now know the mark of an exceptional friend: when you share your hearts with each other and the general consensus is “well, that’s really crap” (and you don’t try to fix each other).

At the same time that I was spiraling into my “melancholy funk”, my Pastor had been teaching a series on relational spaces within our lives, and how important it is to choose carefully who we let into our lives – and what spaces within our lives we allow people to occupy. These three things (my “melancholy funk”, the teachings at Church and issues discussed with my friend) caused me to take a step back and re-evaluate some things in my life – especially my relational spaces and who occupies them.  It hasn’t been fun.

And on top of that, I’ve been sick with whatever this flu thing is for the past week.  (I just want to be able to breathe!).

So, my last few weeks have been frustrating. I’ve failed at choosing to live with hope – but that changes today.  I need to continually remind myself that my hope is not in my friends and the people around me.  My hope is not in my health or in my circumstances (thank the LORD). My hope needs to be found in God.